


i could quite honestly say i was scared for my life

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, Group chat, Hella fluffy, High School, Homophobic Language, Humor, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Modern AU, Multi, PINING KEITH, Texting, Trans Character, also I can't tag for shit help, chapters are getting progressively longer, chatroom fic, lotor is a douche bag, pining klance, pining lance, text fic, theyre all best friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-12-11 23:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11725149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lone_Wolf_12: Okay why the FUCK am I getting notifications from this app I haven't used it since I was prepubescentmonsterfoodtruck: Hey keith!organ_muncher: KEITH HDSCHCHSKUFGLSIEF





	1. watch your damn language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a guide:  
> pidgepotpie: pidge  
> monsterfoodtruck: hunk  
> organ_muncher: lance  
> Lone_Wolf_12: keith  
> hlep: shiro

**pidgepotpie has created the chat "can Mecha lions bone?"**

**pidgepotpie has added organ_muncher, monsterfoodtruck, Lone_Wolf_12, and Hlep to the chat.**

pidgepotpie: discuss.

monsterfoodtruck: Well i think it all depends on size

pidgepotpie: size of what?

monsterfoodtruck: Depends

pidgepotpie: gotcha.

organ_muncher: hey pidgey i have a question unrelated to lion fucking

 **Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out**!

pidgepotpie: oh, is it the language ban? i kept that in because i find it funny.

organ_muncher: uhhhh sort of

organ_muncher: why are we using volt instead of like,,, a normal group chat

monsterfoodtruck: Yeah now that you mention it lance, this app is supposed to be for little kids who arent allowed to text :/

pidgepotpie: ohhh, okay. gather 'round children, it's story time with mother pidgeon.

monsterfoodtruck: A family can be two terrible sons who are older than their mother

organ_muncher: hunk shhhh!!

pidgepotpie: right so you know how my mom really wants to be "involved in my life"?

organ_muncher: no

pidgepotpie: well she's really just concerned about my personal projects and experiments. so, to keep her from snooping on my computer we made a deal: she gets to follow my Instagram (only my main) and read my messages whenever.

monsterfoodtruck: Cant you just hide all your computer stuff? My moms can barely turn on my computer

pidgepotpie: hunk.

pidgepotpie: hunk do you honestly think that my brother or father taught me how to use a computer?

organ_muncher: i assumed you were self-taught...

pidgepotpie: to an extent. my mom taught me a lot of stuff and if she wanted she could access everything I've ever worked on in my life. so basically, i'm not going to risk texting you people in a group chat because I'll out myself and then die.

monsterfoodtruck: Damn

 **Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out**!

monsterfoodtruck: WAIT NO I

organ_muncher: HAAA

pidgepotpie: :)

Lone_Wolf_12: Okay why the FUCK am I getting notifications from this app I haven't used it since I was prepubescent

 **Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out**!

monsterfoodtruck: Hey keith!

organ_muncher: KEITH HDSCHCHSKUFGLSIEF

pidgepotpie: language.

Lone_Wolf_12: Oh my god. I forgot about that :///

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

Lone_Wolf_12: WH

organ_muncher: wh

pidgepotpie: wh

monsterfoodtruck: Wh

Lone_Wolf_12: Yeah okay wow, real funny. But seriously what did I say?

Lone_Wolf_12: God isn't a bad word???

 **Lone_Wolf_12 has been kicked out of the chat "can mecha lions bone**?"

pidgepotpie: rip

organ_muncher: are we just gonna ignore keiths ridiculous username???

organ_muncher: like it's probably a relic from his emo phase and we just don't talk about it???

monsterfoodtruck: Okay organ_muncher

 **organ_muncher has changed their name to leggy**.

leggy: checkmate ;)

pidgepotpie: unoriginal.

monsterfoodtruck: stale

leggy: :(

pidgepotpie: lmao

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

pidgepotpie: WAIT IT KNOWS

pidgepotpie: stupid app :/

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

monsterfoodtruck: this is hilarious omg

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

monsterfoodtruck: EXCUSE ME?

monsterfoodtruck: i feel attacked

pidgepotpie: bdcjkhdrkfhikshitbsihilc

**pidgepotpie has been removed from the chat "can mecha lions bone?".**

**leggy is the new chat admin**

monsterfoodtruck: PIDGE NOOOO

leggy: PIIIIIIIIIIDGE

monsterfoodtruck: sweet pidgey pie

leggy: dearest mother :"(

leggy: wait why did she get kicked off??

hlep: Hey guys! I didn't expect to be put in a Volt! chat. I think you may have the wrong person!

hlep: wait no

hlep: it's just you motherfuckers

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

leggy: shiroooo!!

hlep: hi lance <3

monsterfoodtruck: hi shiro!

hlep: hi hunk <3

monsterfoodtruck: anyway i think pidge got kicked because her keysmash had the word "shit" in it..

**monsterfoodtruck has been removed from the chat "can mecha lions bone?".**

hlep: bye hunk

leggy: HUUUUUUUNK :(((

hlep: question, what was the point of this chat? also why volt

leggy: scroll up man

leggy: WAIT HOLY CROW

leggy: IM THE ADMIN

leggy: ehehehheehehehheee


	2. lance-induced chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance abuses his powers as chat admin

**It has been 24 hours! Welcome back, Lone_Wolf_12.**

**Lone_Wolf_12 has been added back to the chat "can mecha lions bone?".**

**It has been 24 hours! Welcome back, pidgepotpie.**

**pidgepotpie has been added back to the chat "can mecha lions bone?".**

**It has been 24 hours! Welcome back, monsterfoodtruck.**

**monsterfoodtruck has been added back to the chat "can mecha lions bone?".**

pidgepotpie: i'm considering removing the language ban

Lone_Wolf_21: Please do

monsterfoodtruck: ^^^

monsterfoodtruck: But im more concerned about what damage lance mightve done while we were gone...

Lone_Wolf_12: ???

Lone_Wolf_12: Oh shit did he become the admin or something once everyone got kicked?

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

Lone_Wolf_12: PIDGE PLEASE GET RID OF THAT

pidgepotpie: hmmmm

pidgepotpie: not for free

Lone_Wolf_12: I hope you fall on your freaking face

monsterfoodtruck: Oh my gosh hikddhckesdhk

monsterfoodtruck: I have a feeling this is the first time keith has ever censored himself

pidgepotpie: unbelievable. i've never seen anything like this before

pidgepotpie: it feels so...

monsterfoodtruck: ...wrong

monsterfoodtruck: It's such a shame that his own brother had to miss such an event

pidgepotpie: tragic. the family is being torn apart as we speak

Lone_Wolf_12: Is it just Bully Keith Day?

Lone_Wolf_12: Where's lance??? Bully him instead he probably deserves it.

**pidgepotpie is now the chat admin**

monsterfoodtruck: how..

**pidgepotpie has renamed the chat "Bully Keith Day™"**

Lone_Wolf_12: Wait how did you become the admin? Was I wrong about lance becoming it

pidgepotpie: uh

monsterfoodtruck: Actually, im curious too. Lance DID become the admin when pidge got kicked.

pidgepotpie: hey guys?

Lone_Wolf_12: Maybe there are just 2 now

monsterfoodtruck: Probably. I sort of wanna make it 3

pidgepotpie: GUYS! WE HAVE A P R O B L E M

Lone_Wolf_12: ?

monsterfoodtruck: Hold on pidgey i need to become a chat god real quick

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

monsterfoodtruck: I'm gonna ignore that :/

monsterfoodtruck: Oh.

Lone_Wolf_12: What happened?

pidgepotpie: did you see it?

Lone_Wolf_12: See what?! Explain

monsterfoodtruck: Yeah, I can see how this is a problem...

monsterfoodtruck: Oh boy

pidgepotpie: uh huh

Lone_Wolf_12: Can one of you please explain???

pidgepotpie: keith do you know how to check the members of the chat?

Lone_Wolf_12: It's right next to the admin tab in the settings, right?

pidgepotpie: yeah

Lone_Wolf_12: Hold on

Lone_Wolf_12: LANCE

leggy: :3

hotmanhands: :3

flowerqueen: :3

the_living_crystal: :3

fakenewscentral: :3

greasy: :/

leggy: aw rolo come onnnn

greasy: I'm good man

pidgepotpie: LANCE

pidgepotpie: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CHAT

hotmanhands: he fixed it ;)

monsterfoodtruck: Were all of you literally just waiting for us to notice you?

monsterfoodtruck: Because I kind of admire the sheer dedication...

Lone_Wolf_12: How did Shiro let you do this lance

the_living_crystal: shiro? he could be asleep :0

fakenewscentral: knowing him, hes dead

the_living_crystal: plax!! >:(

fakenewscentral: ahaha sorry

flowerqueen: I, for one, am concerned about pidge being that angry

pidgepotpie: Lance,,,,

pidgepotpie: im giving you 10 seconds to start removing whoever these people are before I do it for you

pidgepotpie: and trust me, you DO NOT want me to do it for you

leggy: pidgey, relax!

flowerqueen: I assure you we aren't bad people!

greasy: idk about that but we're tolerable

hotmanhands: not helping buddy

pidgepotpie: your ten seconds are up, lancey

leggy: WAIT NO AT LEAST LET THEM INT RODUCE THE,SLEVES

pidgepotpie: ...

pidgepotpie: fine, but then they fucking go

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

**pidgepotpie has disabled Parental Controls.**

**~**

**Hunk G. - > Keith K.**

HG: Ok im just gonna text you because I don't know how to do private chats on Volt

KK: Is something wrong?

HG: Nothing is TECHNICALLY wrong but uh

HG: What are we supposed to do here?

KK: You mean on the chat? Im not even sure who's on there anymore

HG: Well it's us, rolo, nyma, shay, Allura, and plaxum

HG: They're his old friend group (excluding me) and he dated most of them at one point

KK: He what

HG: UH

HG: FORGET I SAID THAT

KK: Wait no hunk, he dated THEM

KK: Even A L L U R A

HG: IM CHANGING THE SUBJECT YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO KNOW

KK: NO WHAT THE FUCK

HG: SO WHY IS PIDGE SO UNCHARACTERISTICALLY ANGRY ABOUT THIS

HG: WAIT NO I KNOW WHY

KK: Oh, can you tell me?

HG: Well

HG: You didn't hear this from me but

HG: She treated this chat pretty jokingly and even purposely got kicked for shits and giggles, but I guess it was supposed to be a sort of safe space for her.

KK: She did that on purpose?

HG: Yeah, I did too. It was funny :D

KK: I didn't notice.. Go on?

HG: Right. So she probably just wants a chat with her best friends that SHE created where she can be herself. She must've panicked when Lance added people she didn't recognize.

KK: Oh, I get that.

KK: Shit, did Lance not realize that either

HG: I know he did, but he didn't understand it. He probably just thought it would be nice (and funny) to introduce them to us for a bit. There's no way he was actually planning on keeping them in the chat.

HG: He and I are already in a regular group chat with all of them anyway.

KK: Oh

KK: Should we let pidge know...?

HG: That's kind of why I texted you

HG: Hoping for some Sagely Keith Advice™

KK: You know my advice is shitty

HG: Absolutely, but thanks for listening <3

KK: Of course

KK: I'm going to check back on the chat

HG: Same

HG: Back to Bully Keith Day

KK: :(

**~**

leggy: yayayyayay, thanks pidgey

flowerqueen: Right, let's make this quick Pretty People

hotmanhands: im nyma, i have large hands and i like to steal

leggy: she's bad at it tho lol

greasy: rolo. hey keith

Lone_Wolf_12: Long time no see.

the_living_crystal: I'm shay!! i hope we didn't upset you pidgepotpie

pidgepotpie: youre fine. not mad at you people.

monsterfoodtruck: pidgey will be fine! hi shay!

fakenewscentral: call me plaxum. hello

flowerqueen: And I'm Allura Altea.

flowerqueen: Now I believe Lance should be removing us?

leggy: yeah, give me a second love

Lone_Wolf_12: love???

pidgepotpie: wait, allura?

flowerqueen: Yes?

pidgepotpie: allura, it's pidge! katie!!

flowerqueen: Katie!! It's great to speak to you :O

**leggy has removed hotmanhands, greasy, the_living_crystal, fakenewscentral, and flowerqueen from the chat "Bully Keith Day™".**

pidgepotpie: WAIT LANCE CAN YOU PUT ALLURA BACK IN

pidgepotpie: wait a minute

**pidgepotpie has added flowerqueen to the chat "Bully Keith Day™".**

leggy: ?????

monsterfoodtruck: I didn't get the chance to greet you Allura, so hey

flowerqueen: Hi..?

monsterfoodtruck: It's Hunk

flowerqueen: Oh, hey hunk!

leggy: uhhhh pidgey

leggy: why did you keep lura in??

pidgepotpie: she's my friend?

leggy: yeah but not everyone on this chat knows her, so wouldn't that potentially cause problems

Lone_Wolf_12: I know Allura, so I don't think it's a problem

flowerqueen: I'm going to take a wild guess and say... Keith?

Lone_Wolf_12: Yeah, hello

flowerqueen: :D

monsterfoodtruck: wait is there anyone else on this chat?

leggy: it's probably just us, man

Lone_Wolf_12: Probably?

pidgepotpie: in light of recent events...

**pidgepotpie removed leggy from the chat "Bully Keith Day™".**

**pidgepotpie added leggy to the chat "Bully Keith Day™".**

pidgepotpie: you have been stripped of your admin status

monsterfoodtruck: There Can Only Be One

monsterfoodtruck: Also I Never Got To Be The Admin So Can I Do That

flowerqueen: I've been here for ten minutes and I don't trust any of you to be admins :/

leggy: so the only practical solution is to make us all admins then

Lone_Wolf_12: All of us but lance

leggy: you b u l l y

flowerqueen: Speaking of, is there a reason that it's Bully Keith Day?

pidgepotpie: absolutely

monsterfoodtruck: Pidge can I be an admin?

pidgepotpie: no what

monsterfoodtruck: Well then this conversation means nothing to me

hlep: hey everyone. did i miss a lot?

leggy: SHIRO

monsterfoodtruck: IT WAS SHIRO

monsterfoodtruck: I TOLD YOU GUYS WE FORGOT SOMEONE

pidgepotpie: DID WE FUCKING FORGET SHIRO

Lone_Wolf_12: I didn't

Lone_Wolf_12: Did nobody check the members of the chat?

pidgepotpie: i

leggy: i kind of assumed i hallucinated all my interactions with him tbh

monsterfoodtruck: He's the real cryptid

Lone_Wolf_12: ^^^

leggy: WAIT does shiro know lura

flowerqueen: I had to step away for a minute, I'm back!

flowerqueen: Hello, Skunk Boy

hlep: allura please

flowerqueen: I know Shiro very well :)

hlep: oh no

monsterfoodtruck: Very well?

flowerqueen: Extremely :)

monsterfoodtruck: Lura text me right now

flowerqueen: ;)

monsterfoodtruck: ;)

Lone_Wolf_12: What the fuck

Lone_Wolf_12: Whoaaa it feels so good to not be restricted by the language ban

Lone_Wolf_12: But also what the fuck

leggy: simply put, allura is the queen of blackmail

pidgepotpie: is she now

leggy: second to you, of course!!

leggy: or not idk

pidgepotpie: wow thanks lance

hlep: am i the only person genuinely concerned about this

hlep: they could very well Kill Me

Lone_Wolf_12: Are you opposed to that?

hlep: shit no im not

hlep: anyway, i feel like i would've remembered if Space Mice was in the chat before..

hlep: i missed something didn't i

pidgepotpie: no

leggy: yeah i did nothing

hlep: good, because i didn't say you did..

leggy: great, because i didn't

Lone_Wolf_12: I should say something here

pidgepotpie: No You Should Not

pidgepotpie: shiro, nothing happened we just remembered to add allura

leggy: yeah, don't scroll up

hlep: that is unbelievably suspicious

pidgepotpie: fuck dammit lance

hlep: but i am unbelievably tired

hlep: as long as those people Lance put on the chat left, i don't care

hlep: good night <3

pidgepotpie: oh my god he knew

leggy: hshhdefffguyfgefhfe

Lone_Wolf_12: It's 7:35 on a Friday

leggy: shiro' sleep schedule is beyond fucked dude

Lone_Wolf_12: Yeah I can't argue

pidgepotpie: lmao once i saw him walking down the stairs and as soon as he got to the bottom he immediately climbed back up to sleep at the top of the stairwell

leggy: haaa

leggy: rip shiro

leggy: remember the time he slept for like a day and a half? we rearranged his kitchen cabinets and he started crying

Lone_Wolf_12: It was funny until I had to comfort a giant sobbing 25 year old man :/

pidgepotpie: hdbhdgfksn

pidgepotpie: Keith share some Sleeping Shiro Stories™

Lone_Wolf_12: Nope

leggy: what whyyyyy bab 

Lone_Wolf_12: Because he isn't here

pidgepotpie: are you implying that we could literally ask shiro himself

Lone_Wolf_12: :)

Lone_Wolf_12: Also Lance?

leggy: yeah bud?

pidgepotpie: btw Lance can you text me

Lone_Wolf_12: Can you text me?

pidgepotpie: oh

Lone_Wolf_12: Oh

leggy: uh

leggy: ...yes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	3. hey, open up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith, pidge, and lance have some conversations

leggy: damn i feel popular

pidgepotpie: sorry about that keith

leggy: pidge?? a p o l o g i z i n g ?

Lone_Wolf_12: No worries pidgey

Lone_Wolf_12: But who's lance going to text first...?

pidgepotpie: hold on keith

~

**pidgepotpie has created the chat "keith catches feelings(?)".**

**pidgepotpie has added Lone_Wolf_12 to the chat.**

pidgepotpie: so im gonna need a really good reason to postpone an important conversation i need to have

pidgepotpie: start talking buddy

Lone_Wolf_12: Why are you doing this to me

pidgepotpie: i don't know what you mean? :0

Lone_Wolf_12: You already know

pidgepotpie: okay yeah but i need some screenshot evidence

Lone_Wolf_12: You're being awfully direct about this...

Lone_Wolf_12: What the hell are you doing pidgey

pidgepotpie: being the blackmail queen?

pidgepotpie: spill your secrets keith

Lone_Wolf_12: No really what do you want

pidgepotpie: i just want a good reason to let you go first, is all

Lone_Wolf_12: You KNOW I don't want to say it, don't make me

Lone_Wolf_12: Pidge, what are you doing? You promised me you wouldn't do this

**Lone_Wolf_12 has exited the chat "keith catches feelings(?)".**

pidgepotpie: i did do that, didn't i

pidgepotpie: fuck

**Careful! If everyone exits a Volt! chat, the chat will automatically be deleted forever! Are you sure you want to exit?**

**pidgepotpie has exited the chat "keith catches feelings(?)".**

~

leggy: right, so i was under the impression that you two would like,, discuss that here

leggy: or maybe you're waiting for me to choose???

leggy: ok it's been a few minutes so i guess you're choosing amongst yourselves

leggy: keep it civil, there's plenty of this to go around ;)))

Lone_Wolf_12: Talk to pidge first

leggy: you sure? k cool

leggy: just wondering tho, is she here

pidgepotpie: yeah, hey lancey

pidgepotpie: I'll make another chat for us hold on

leggy: okay!

~

**pidgepotpie has created the chat "a problem".**

**pidgepotpie has added leggy to the chat.**

leggy: oh this doesn't sound good..

pidgepotpie: well first let me explain

leggy: no no, let me apologize first

pidgepotpie: you want to apologize

pidgepotpie: before i explain what you did?

leggy: well when you put it like that it sounds stupid but

pidgepotpie: lance how does that make any sense in your mind

leggy: how does insisting you'll text me a thing and then using a chatroom to talk to me about that thing instead with no explanation make any sense in YOUR mind

leggy: wow that sounded a lot less accusatory in my head aha

pidgepotpie: well I did that so you wouldn't make a chat first to be the admin and then add a bunch of people to our conversation

leggy: yeah, see this is why i want to apologize immediately

leggy: okay pidgey im really sorry for adding all the people to the chat. like, i entertained the thought that it was a bad idea but i didn't actually believe that and I KNOW the chat was like your safe space so i was really careful not to out you and all of the people were my friends so like?? I thought youd be more comically mad than actually upset

pidgepotpie: lance wait

leggy: but like i didn't ask or anything and it was a pretty stupid thing to do just because i became the admin lmao so im really really sorry

pidgepotpie: LANCE

leggy: did i ramble too much

leggy: i tried to keep it as short as i could

pidgepotpie: no you just got it really really wrong

leggy: wh

pidgepotpie: im not mad that you added people to the chat as a joke what

pidgepotpie: like, i was at first but it was mostly comical. i liked seeing people reacting to it

leggy: but i added people to YOUR chat without asking

pidgepotpie: and then you removed them all

pidgepotpie: did you actually have any intention of them staying

leggy: no

pidgepotpie: then i have no reason to be genuinely upset about that shit

leggy: oh lovely

leggy: okay i get that, sorry for freaking out but

leggy: the suspense is killing me what did i doooo

pidgepotpie: it's nothing bad just

pidgepotpie: you

pidgepotpie: you had an entire group of other friends and i didn't even know

leggy: ...

pidgepotpie: they're all closer to your age and have similar interests to you probably

leggy: pidgey what are you saying

pidgepotpie: okay UGH i hate this and i hate feelings but it needs to be said

pidgepotpie: im so much younger than you and you have more in common with them, hunk, keith, and shiro and i just don't want to be left behind but im going to be

leggy: pidge

pidgepotpie: lancey im a 14 year old girl who has to use childrens' texting apps to hide things from my mom. and you're not the only one who has other friends or is closer to someone else and not me. i shouldn't be upset because it's probably my fault for not reaching out to you all more but i

pidgepotpie: fuck

leggy: pidge it's okay

pidgepotpie: it isn't. i shouldn't be bitter over something i brought upon myself

leggy: pidgey, are you with your family right now?

pidgepotpie: why would i be with my family on a Sunday afternoon

leggy: family who? idk her :/

leggy: anyway im calling you.

pidgepotpie: i sound like im dying please no

leggy: you better pick up let me shower you with affection

pidgepotpie: fine

~

monsterfoodtruck: i can't believe people are fighting over lance

flowerqueen: He isn't worth it, but at the same time he absolutely is

monsterfoodtruck: ^^^

Lone_Wolf_12: Oh are you two done sharing blackmail?

flowerqueen: Yes, we had a wonderful time :)

monsterfoodtruck: if i didn't love lura before this i am absolutely enamored now

flowerqueen: <333

monsterfoodtruck:<333

Lone_Wolf_12: I always forget that hunk is straight

monsterfoodtruck: omg remember how i had to be a "cishet ally" to be in gsa in freshman year

flowerqueen: you coming out as trans was literally the most iconic thing that happened that year

Lone_Wolf_12: You let me punch a transphobe too :)

flowerqueen: Oh right! I met you in detention because of that!

Lone_Wolf_12: Good times...

monsterfoodtruck: Wait I Did No Such Thing

Lone_Wolf_12: Untrue

monsterfoodtruck: in fact i seem to remember telling you to not solve problems with violence and just say something to him or walk away

Lone_Wolf_12: No no my memory is perfect, you specifically asked me to punch that girl in the face

flowerqueen: Okay sure, "Lone_Wolf_12"

monsterfoodtruck: ,hchkjfg

Lone_Wolf_12: I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT SHUT UP

monsterfoodtruck: omg 

flowerqueen: Wait, really?

flowerqueen: Well then...

flowerqueen: You're smart, you can figure it out!

Lone_Wolf_12: Are you,,

Lone_Wolf_12: Are you not going to tell me how

flowerqueen: Hands-on learning

monsterfoodtruck: keith just click on the gear icon next to your name in the chat members list. it lets you edit your profile

flowerqueen: Fuck you

~

leggy: i hope those were happy tears i heard you shedding?

pidgepotpie: i love you

leggy: !!!

leggy: love you too pidgey

pidgepotpie: okay this got sappy as fuck ew

pidgepotpie: im going to leave this convo and wash my face

leggy: you do that, see you on the Main Chat That Pidge Definitely Is A Vital Part Of™

pidgepotpie: ffs stop that

**pidgepotpie has exited the chat "a problem".**

leggy: and that's my cue

**Careful! If everyone exits a Volt! chat, the chat will automatically be deleted forever! Are you sure you want to exit?**

**leggy has exited the chat "a problem".**

~

**Lone_Wolf_12 has changed their name to knifegay**

knifegay: I figured it out :D

knifegay: No thanks to Allura

flowerqueen: Wow okay

pidgepotpie: character development

monsterfoodtruck: hey pidgey <3

pidgepotpie: hey hunk

leggy: WAIT KEITH WHAT

leggy: i never got to make fun of your other username :(((

knifegay: Do you ever feel like you dodged a bullet

leggy: :(((((

leggy: text me u traitor

knifegay: Will do

flowerqueen: Haha

~

**Lance M. - > Keith K.**

LM: well """knifegay"""

LM: talk to me

KK: You're so against my new username what

LM: you aren't being true to yourself

LM: your r o o t s

KK: Wh

LM: you gotta change it back

KK: Nope

LM: blease,,

KK: Lance no

LM: i need to make fun of youuuu

KK: Absolutely not

KK: My new one suits current me and not 11 year old me, so I'm good

LM: Lone_Wolf_12 is emo but also hilarious, suits every form of keith

KK: knifegay has knives and is gay, suits every form of keith

LM: humor me please

KK: I Will Not

LM: oh so you're gonna do the thing hunk does where he capitalizes every word to give the sentence more power

LM: because if you think that's gonna work on me

KK: I am absolutely correct?

LM: ...you are absolutely correct

KK: :)

LM: :/

LM: so anyway why did you need to talk to me

KK: Nice subject change

LM: shhhh let me silently admit my defeat

KK: Fine

KK: Okay I just wanted to ask you about one of the things you said when you put all your other friends on the chat

LM: uh

LM: slightly worrying but continue

KK: So I believe it was after everyone introduced themselves, Allura asked you if you were going to remove them like pidge asked

KK: And you said something like "yeah, one second love" to her

LM: i swear i wasn't stalling!!

LM: i actually spent that time removing them from the chat

KK: What

KK: Lancey, it's okay. That's not what I meant

LM: jdkjdbmhrefbuief

KK: Wh

LM: you called me lancey!! you never do that!!

KK: Oh shit I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking

LM: now it's my turn to wh

LM: Wh

KK: why?

LM: because i don't mind!!

LM: i was just surprised man, you haven't done it before :0

KK: Oh

KK: Thanks lancey

LM: !!!

KK: Well we're getting off topic so

LM: right right

LM: yeah

~

**Keith K. - > Allura A.**

KK: Allura help I hate this

AA: Aren't you talking to Lance?

AA: Oh, I see ;)

KK: ALLURA NO

KK: WAIT A MINUTE

KK: HEY ALLURA I NEED A FAVOR

KK: YOU HAVE TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION TRUTHFULLY OKAY

AA: Okay...?

KK: ARE YOU DATING LANCE

AA: BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NO

AA: WHY

AA: WHY DO YOU THINK THAT

KK: HE CALLED YOU LOVE

KK: AND HES DATED A BUNCH OF HIS CURRENT FRIENDS SO

AA: IM A LESBIAN YOU CUNT

AA: WAIT HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO HES DATED

KK: I DONT KNOW WHO SPECIFICALLY

AA: YOU SHOUDLNT KNOW AT ALL DID HUNK TELL YOU

KK: DONT DRAG HIM INTO THIS

AA: HE FUCKING D I D

AA: I CAN CHEW HIM OUT LATER BUT YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED TO WORK SOME SHIT OUT WITH LANCE

KK: NO I GOT MY ANSWER

AA: YOUVE PROBABLY BEEN IGNORING HIM THIS WHOLE TIME HES GONNA PANIC TALK TO HIM

KK: WHAT DO I SAY

AA: FUCK IF I KNOW FIGURE IT OUT YOU JEALOUS GAY

KK: FUCK FINE

AA: I LOVE YOU

KK: LOVE YOU TOO

~

LM: keeeeeith

LM: keith did you leave

LM: are you asleep because it's only like 9

KK: Okay I'm back hi

LM: hello hello

LM: so what's all this about me calling allura "love"

KK: well

LM: well?

LM: wait omg

LM: you're jealous aren't you :O

KK: WHAT NO

LM: you areeeee

LM: i use pet names and nicknames for all my friends except you and shiro :OOO i thought you didn't like them but

KK: I

LM: this is the best day of my life holy moly

KK: Wh

LM: i get to call you something dumb and embarrassing for the rest of our lives and you can't object because you brought it upon yourself

KK: Lancey why do you hate me

LM: i don't and that's why im doing this

~

**Lance M. - > Allura A.**

LM: ALLURA WHAT ARE SOME PET NAMES FOR A SIGNIFICANT OTHER THAT CAN BE PASSED OFF AS PLATONIC

AA: OH MY GOD

LM: ARE YOU EXCITED OR EXASPERATED

AA: YOU BOTH NEED TO STOP ASKING ME SHIT QUESTIONS

AA: ALSO I DONT KNOW IM SORRY

LM: WAIT NO

AA: WHY DOES HE NEED A NICKNAME THOUGH

AA: YOU LOVE SAYING HIS NAME

LM: i

LM: you're right omg

LM: I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING YES

LM: THANKS LOVE

AA: GET HIM BUDDY

~

KK: Are you brainstorming?

LM: just finished

LM: and ive come to the conclusion that

KK: that?

LM: i associate your name with you already.

KK: So no nickname?

LM: you shouldn't have waited buddy.. it's too late to establish nicknames after two years of friendship

LM: im so sorry keith, i know how much you wanted this

KK: No I didn't

LM: shhhh don't lie

LM: anyway final verdict?

KK: This is the ideal scenario

LM: awww he cares :")

KK: Only a bit shhh

LM: !!!!!

KK: Lancey

LM: !!!!!!!

LM: hirlhdilr

KK: Is this why you flirt with strangers lmao

KK: I can see the appeal

KK: Also I'm going back to the chat

LM: right same

KK: Cool

LM: Cool

KK: Okay I'm going

~

**Keith K. - > Allura A.**

KK: Do you think I have a chance?

AA: Oh my god

~

**Lance M. - > Allura A.**

LM: do you think i have a chance?

AA: Oh my GOD

~

 **Allura A. - > Hunk G, Takashi S**.

AA: Guys, I have a plan.

TS: is right now an appropriate time to confess that i deleted volt from my phone

AA: OH MY GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome to klance. also im sorry about not having shiro do anything, the next chapter will have a lot of him
> 
> follow me and chat on tumblr (@actual-yam)


	4. allura appreciation, shiro destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a party is mentioned, shiro gets Exposed™

monsterfoodtruck: good morning everyone!!

**monsterfoodtruck has renamed the chat "Allura appreciation squad".**

pidgepotpie: but why

leggy: do we really need a reason to appreciate lura?

pidgepotpie: shit you're right im so sorry

knifegay: Wait doesn't she need an initiation?

monsterfoodtruck: she does, actually!

monsterfoodtruck: shiro and i have planned A Thing for her :)

hlep: :)

leggy: shiro!!

pidgepotpie: hey shiro, did you die or

knifegay: He deleted the app lmao

leggy: WHAT WHY

pidgepotpie: shirooooooo

pidgepotpie: you were literally at my house for the past two days you can't escape

hlep: keith why

hlep: ffs please let me explain myself

monsterfoodtruck: Let The Man Speak

pidgepotpie: fine

hlep: thank you, hunk <3

hlep: anyway yes. i did delete the app

leggy: betrayal

hlep: BUT i have a reason so stfu.

hlep: matt threatened to go through my phone if i ate his cake from the fridge

knifegay: oh my god

hlep: and then i ate his cake from the fridge and left an apology note

hlep: i did it to be polite but i guess he took it as a passive aggressive jab because he did in fact look through the entirety of my phone

hlep: i deleted my search history and this app since those are the only two things i have to hide

pidgepotpie: okay that explains a lot

pidgepotpie: except i still don't know why you ate the cake

leggy: or why you need to hide this chat from your own boyfriend

knifegay: or why you need to hide your search history

hlep: i should delete the app again

leggy: NO DONT

knifegay: you could

leggy: KEITH NO HE DOESNT HAVE FRIENDS

knifegay: he has a boyfriend

pidgepotpie: a boyfriend that he steals cake from

pidgepotpie: i understand stealing the cake (it was really good), but from Matt???

pidgepotpie: :/

hlep: hunk, have i ever told you how much i appreciate you?

monsterfoodtruck: no, do tell

knifegay: oh sure just ignore us

hlep: hunk doesn't feel the need to question my actions, even when he has no idea why i did something

monsterfoodtruck: well

leggy: zkjhsjkxh

hlep: ...excuse me

monsterfoodtruck: :)

hlep: hunk, please elaborate

monsterfoodtruck: :)

leggy: shiro remember when he talked privately w lura

hlep: oh god no

hlep: hunk please forget anything she told you

pidgepotpie: okay this is intriguing

knifegay: so you DO have something to hide

leggy: im torn between either defending the person who helped me figure out my identity and goals or tearing his life apart

leggy: idk what to do you guys

knifegay: pidge, you know what he have to do

pidgepotpie: of course

hlep: keith, pidge, hunk

hlep: think about what you're doing

pidgepotpie: :)

knifegay: :)

monsterfoodtruck: :)

hlep: lance please help me

leggy: yeah but

leggy: i could also ruin you and both options are soooo tempting man

~

**Hunk G. - > Lance M.**

HG: you know what it is, right?

LM: i have an idea that's probably right, but im not certain

LM: tbh im just gonna wait and see if im right

HG: okay, good to know

HG: make sure we don't actually hurt shiro okay?

LM: will do, ily

HG: <3

~

pidgepotpie: im grabbing shiros phone now

hlep: pidge wait whskujlndrtfj,

hlep: SHE IN CEILING

hlep: hhiuhehlsr

leggy: concerning,,

hlep: he never saw me coming -pidgey

hlep: keith is that you downstairs

knifegay: yeah, colleen let me in

knifegay: she subtly mentioned that she thinks we're dating

hlep: oh good lord

hlep: anyway come upstairs i want you here for this

knifegay: im coming up the stairs, open your door

hlep: okay guys it's happening

hlep: we'll get back to you in a bit

~

**Pidge H - > Keith K**

PH: hey Keith, before we do this can i apologize?

KK: i feel like i know what this is about, so go ahead

PH: i shouldn't have made you talk about it when i promised i wouldn't. my reason was bad and i screwed up. im sorry

KK: why did you do it in the first place?

PH: allura. you would've gone to her and she would've known but not me. everyone else could figure it out on their own. i don't want to be left behind

KK: you wouldn't be.

KK: besides, two girls developing animosity towards each other over a boy when they would've otherwise been good friends is a stupid concept

PH: true, true

PH: so, shall we continue with our task at hand?

KK: we shall

~

leggy: i

leggy: that was all so casual

leggy: doesn't keith live a block away from pidge

leggy: did he just immediately fucking run there

leggy: now both the broganes are in the holt house

leggy: wAIT if shiro was there for the past two days does that mean keith was home alone

monsterfoodtruck: he's eighteen

leggy: ...can he cook

knifegay: pretty well, actually

leggy: fUCK YOURE STILL HERE

knifegay: im monitoring the chat while pidgey finds things

pidgepotpie: TARGET ACQUIRED

pidgepotpie: OH MY GOD KEITH LOOK

knifegay: GFKEYHDJ

knifegay: HOW DID HE KEEP THIS HIDDEN

monsterfoodtruck: i think i like spectating in this chat more than i like participating

leggy: do you think it's the fanfiction

monsterfoodtruck: obviously. were you right then?

leggy: yep

knifegay: WH

pidgepotpie: WH

monsterfoodtruck: what is wh

leggy: idk man, keith did it once accidentally and i guess it's a thing now

knifegay: how did you know?!

leggy: he told me in a moment of great emotional vulnerability

monsterfoodtruck: i gossip with lura how would i not know

pidgepotpie: but,,

knifegay: you didn't say anything...

leggy: neutral party, remember?

monsterfoodtruck: i just wanted to kill time until lura gets back

pidgepotpie: i cannot believe

pidgepotpie: well i technically can but..

knifegay: 20k words of warrior cats fanfiction

knifegay: lancey i can't believe he told you and not me

monsterfoodtruck: lancey? since when does keith use that??

leggy: it's charisma keith

knifegay: what did you do to him to make him so weak

monsterfoodtruck: alright, i guess nobody else wants to comment on that development

pidgepotpie: i would but im in shock

pidgepotpie: also returning shiro his Cursed Device

pidgepotpie: ..fuck

hlep: im not even mad that you took it

hlep: im just really really embarrassed

flowerqueen: Good morning, everyone! I can see you've all been up to some wild shit

flowerqueen: Also Hunk, I love the new chat name ;*

monsterfoodtruck: :*

hlep: Allura, Don't Scroll Up

flowerqueen: I Read The Whole Damn Thing Before Saying Anything To Be Up Do Date

hlep: Oh No

flowerqueen: I mean, I already knew so it wasn't a big deal

flowerqueen: I'm more interested in what Hunk said about you and him planning A Thing for me

monsterfoodtruck: it's basically your initiation into our friend group :D

hlep: everyone got one except hunk and Lance

leggy: since we began the friendship and all

leggy: and im also dying to know what you two did soooo

pidgepotpie: oh keith i think allura is here

pidgepotpie: h el l o

knifegay: hh

flowerqueen: Hi, I guess. Are they okay?..

monsterfoodtruck: they'll be fine!

leggy: probably

hlep: hopefully

monsterfoodtruck: n o

monsterfoodtruck: anyway, shiro and i planned to have a party!

flowerqueen: I approve wholeheartedly

pidgepotpie: ok but when, because i have things to do tomorrow and for the next few days

hlep: tonight

leggy: !!!!

leggy: i gotta get ready omg

flowerqueen: So do I, this is exciting!

monsterfoodtruck: yeah, come over to the garrett-mcclain-altea household around 7!

leggy: oh god that's less time than i thought!!

knifegay: lancey, you have like 10 hours

leggy: NOT ENOUGH TIMEEE

flowerqueen: ^^^

flowerqueen: Lancey, I'm coming back home and picking you up.

leggy: thank you loveee

monsterfoodtruck: get back by 6, im going to need lancey's help with setup

pidgepotpie: my parents approve, i'll be there

knifegay: i don't live with my parents, i'll be there

hlep: dont you still need my permission to go places as your legal guardian?

knifegay: hey shiro, can i go to the party that you and hunk literally just planned and invited me to?

hlep: well, when you put it like that it sounds stupid :/

monsterfoodtruck: shiro, you better show up too

hlep: of course im showing up!!

pidgepotpie: shiro, how much of this did you really plan?

hlep: honestly it was all hunk

hlep: i just listened to him for a while and took half the credit

monsterfoodtruck: thank you for your honesty

knifegay: hey hunk?

monsterfoodtruck: yeah bud?

knifegay: do you need help with anything right now? im not busy

monsterfoodtruck: oh that'd be awesome, come over!

knifegay: thanks <3

~

**Allura A - > Pidge H.**

AA: Pidge?

PH: hey lura, what's up?

AA: I didn't even stop to consider it initially, but would you, Shiro, or Matt like to come with Lance and I?

PH: to go spa-hopping?

AA: Is that what we're calling it now? I like it :D

PH: lmao yeah

PH: also, im good but Shiro may want to go

AA: And Matt?

PH: well, shiro's obviously going to bring him so invite them both i guess

AA: Brilliant!

AA: Thank you, Pidge! <333

PH: any time

PH: <3

~

**Lance M - > Allura A**

LM: who are you texting?

AA: I'm just inviting some more people to come spa-hopping with us

LM: spa-hopping?

LM: i like it

LM: and tell shiro and matt to pay for their own shit if they show up

AA: Was it that obvious?

LM: kind of :p

~

**Keith K - > Hunk G**

KK: hey hunk, im at your door

HG: i'll be out in a second!!

KK: okay

KK: by the way, do you actually need my help? or do you just want company??

HG: ahaha you got me

HG: it's the latter, hope you don't mind bro

KK: no, it's cool.

KK: i kind of just wanted to be around someone else anyway

HG: i unlocked the door, come on in!!

KK: thank you hunk

~

**Allura A - > Takashi S, Matt H.**

AA: Hey, you two should come to the Sephora next to that subpar teahouse.

AA: Lance and I are here

TS: it's been an hour since you two left, are you sure?

MH: whoa hold up, why

AA: Did Shiro not tell you yet? A party tonight.

MH: !!!

MH: i am absolutely in, shiro lets goooo

TS: i was literally on my way to our room to tell you, loser

TS: anyway, we can make it

MH: this is just spa-hopping, right? you'll pay for shit?

AA: sent "screenshot.png"

MH: aww fine, if Lance insists :/

TS: matt, baby, you have a high paying job and you live with your rich parents why are you like this

MH: :*

MH: we'll be there in 15 allura!!

AA: Great!

AA: Lance says he missed you, Matt

TS: oh that doesn't bode well

~

**pidgepotpie has enabled Parental Controls**

**pidgepotpie has renamed the chat "go away you wrinkly lumpy man"**

knifegay: wh

pidgepotpie: i have a feeling

knifegay: that isn't specific enough

pidgepotpie: i cannot elaborate yet

knifegay: lovely

**spicyicy has added spicyicy to the chat "go away you wrinkly lumpy man"**

pidgepotpie: there he is :/

leggy: matthew

leggy: how the heck

**spicyicy has added _lilac_prince_ to the chat "go away you wrinkly lumpy man"**

leggy: matt nooo

flowerqueen: How was he able to add someone without becoming an admin? :0

pidgepotpie: why this

spicyicy: hey gamers its ya man matt

hlep: how do i delete my boyfriend

monsterfoodtruck: wow okay, i leave for Twenty Minutes Only and this?? what the shit??

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

monsterfoodtruck: well then

knifegay: hunk what's happening

pidgepotpie: why are you asking hunk and not me??

knifegay: you enabled the language ban again

knifegay: i love you a lot but i don't trust you anymore

hunk: dude i don't know how he did that

hunk: but matt, please make me your protégé

leggy: who's the lilac man

flowerqueen: Matt, did you actually add the guy from the nail place to the chat?

hlep: he did

hlep: i apologize on behalf of matt

hlep: and probably litter

_lilac_prince_: It is "Lotor", to be precise. I do not blame you for misspelling my name, my friend. Not all individuals have the superior literacy skills that I possess.

flowerqueen: Wait a second..

_lilac_prince_: It is an honor to be included within your little group regardless! Alas, many shun me from their circles, intimidated by my astounding intellect...

knifegay: matt take him out right now

leggy: ^^^

hlep: ^^^

monsterfoodtruck: wait matt you didn't uh

monsterfoodtruck: will you be hanging out with him this evening?

spicyicy: :)

pidgepotpie: siri how do i delete my brother

flowerqueen: LOTOR GALRA

flowerqueen: GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

_lilac_prince_: Oh my! I can already predict that this experience will be... Interesting.

_lilac_prince_: I look forward to becoming well-acquainted with all of you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is ridiculous hhhhhh lortort can choke. also!! so sorry about how long this chapter took, i have been pretty busy lately..
> 
> follow me/talk to me on tumblr @actual-yam


	5. come together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotor enters, a party happens  
> tw for underage drug use

**spicyicy has created the chat "the lotor situation".**

**spicyicy has added pidgepotpie, hlep, flowerqueen, knifegay, leggy, and monsterfoodtruck to the chat.**

spicyicy: okay, so i know you all have some questions

monsterfoodtruck: uh yeah no kidding

flowerqueen: Matt, how the hell did he not recognize you??

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

flowerqueen: Ugh

spicyicy: honestly, i have no idea

hlep: wait

hlep: it's actually lotor galra isn't it?

leggy: ???

leggy: hey, how do any of you know this guy

monsterfoodtruck: were you friends with him before you three met us?

monsterfoodtruck: you didn't know us before lance, keith, and i started our freshman year, right?

hlep: exactly hunk

hlep: he was bad news

flowerqueen: Can I tell them what he did?

spicyicy: please do

spicyicy: i want them to despise him

flowerqueen: RIGHT so, first off he was super mean to his parents for absolutely no reason. like? they weren't bad people until he started acting out so much that they just,,, cracked down. he also had a crush on me, which was all fine and good because he was honest about it. but THEN i made the mistake of trusting him enough to come out to him when he confessed to me and he just.

flowerqueen: ruined everything. turns out he's ridiculously homophobic but also fetishizes lesbians lmao. i was disgusted n offended and tried to explain how that was harmful, but he just mocked me for having opinions?? later, i found out how he constantly belittled shiro for apparently "choosing to let depression and ptsd affect him" and called shiro WEAK and SPINELESS and other ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT.

flowerqueen: also he almost caused matt to fail like 3 classes by sabotaging my boy's projects and changing his essays into plagiarized pieces of garbage. the worst part is that lotor was so calm and charismatic about it, so it wasn't easy to realize he was doing something horrible.

flowerqueen: even if he is a better person now, he hurt me and my two best friends at the time and caused so many personal problems for me. there's no way i can forgive him.

knifegay: oh my gosh

pidgepotpie: allura, matt, shiro im so sorry

leggy: that's gross oh good lord

monsterfoodtruck: ..

hlep: don't apologize, it's all in the past now. we have no intention of willingly befriending him again.

knifegay: that doesn't make what he did okay

knifegay: shiro, was he the reason you refused therapy for YEARS

hlep: ...

leggy: matt why would you add him to our chat

monsterfoodtruck: ^^^

spicyicy: well since he didn't recognize me but i recognized him, i immediately devised a plan

spicyicy: i want to ruin his life

~

**Allura A - > Lotor G.**

AA: alright, cut the shit

LG: Whatever do you mean, Princess?

AA: do NOT call me that.

AA: and by "cut the shit" i mean "stop acting like you didn't recognize matt". what are you trying to do.

LG: Well, he failed to recognize me. Ah, such a blow to my frail ego caused me to pretend that I did the same!

AA: why do you speak like that? if you're trying to make yourself look stupid, it isn't going to work.

LG: Really? Because they're eating that shit right up

LG: I've always been one to talk in a semi-formal manner, no harm in increasing that to ridiculously formal

LG: Look, I'm not here to "antagonize" you, or do whatever it is you want to think I did. Back then, I was merely expressing my opinions and trying to help my friends. It was your fault that you chose to act out.

AA: funny, because that's not how i remember it

LG: You know, I really don't want to hurt you

AA: liar

LG: And when both Takashi and Matt confront me, they too will see that I have truly done no harm.

AA: leave them out of this. you hurt them and caused so much shit, i would take their memories of you myself if i could.

LG: Now, doesn't that seem the least bit unsettling to you? You're so blinded by rage that you can't think calmly, Princess.

AA: why are you STILL calling me that

LG: Because it reminds me of that sweet young girl I once knew. What happened to her, Allura?

AA: well uh,, she fucking hates you now so

LG: Alright. Fine.

LG: You aren't going to listen, so I won't try to explain myself. Just know, I'm not the monster you seem to remember. I still love you, Matt, and Takashi dearly.

AA: i'll figure out what you're planning. karma will come for you if it hasn't already.

LG: Ignore me, scream at me, slander me, whatever you like. But I implore you to not let your anger to get the best of you.

AA: you better pray for fucking mercy

Allura A has blocked you.

~

pidgepotpie: ruin his life? count me in

leggy: ^^^

knifegay: ^^^

monsterfoodtruck: ^^^ but do we have a plan?

hlep: wait wait

hlep: if you guys do confront lotor, please know i don't want to be involved

hlep: i honestly just want to move on without him

spicyicy: baby, of course. don't be subjected to anything that makes you uncomfortable

spicyicy: kshscifs guys pda is happening

monsterfoodtruck: salad

knifegay: why aren't you saying the whole thing hunk

monsterfoodtruck: idk if you forgot but im multitasking here

monsterfoodtruck: salad :/

spicyicy: thank you hunk

pidgepotpie: wait, where are you guys?

leggy: they SHOULD be waiting outside the store while i find some quality earrings

leggy: but i guess they're boning okay

hlep: ffs i gave him a H U G

spicyicy: with his big muscular body

monsterfoodtruck: salad

pidgepotpie: salad

knifegay: salad

leggy: salad

flowerqueen: i don't understand but

flowerqueen: salad

leggy: lura where are you

flowerqueen: leaving the dressing room, i got some hella nice jeans ;)

leggy: oooh

leggy: do they make your butt look nice?

flowerqueen: fucking obviously

**flowerqueen has been removed from the chat "the lotor situation".**

knifegay: rip allura

pidgepotpie: matt you should change the chat name

spicyicy: on it

**spicyicy has renamed the chat "salad".**

monsterfoodtruck: nice

hlep: i was going to thank you for changing it but im reconsidering

spicyicy: <333

hlep: kissing me doesn't redeem you

spicyicy: should i stop kissing you, then?

hlep: no no continue

knifegay: um? salad :/

leggy: alluras gonna use my phone now :")

leggy: hunk and shiro, i have a request to make - lura

leggy: can i invite shay and plaxum? - lura

hlep: it's her party, of course

monsterfoodtruck: ^^^

leggy: she sends hugs

pidgepotpie: hunk just wants to see shay lmaoo

monsterfoodtruck: hdjixshjg no??

pidgepotpie: not judging, i miss her too

knifegay: you've spoken to her fewer times than me

pidgepotpie: and yet i adore her

leggy: shay is my favorite

leggy: also, do keith n pidgey know plaxum?

pidgepotpie: no, why

knifegay: she was fakenewscentral wasn't she

leggy: oh my gosh, you guys would love her!!

monsterfoodtruck: i miss plaxum too, she owes me money :(

leggy: wh

knifegay: just going by that, i think i'll adore her

leggy: oh noooo

leggy: shay has pastafest today :(

monsterfoodtruck: did they change the day :O

leggy: apparently, she can't make it at all :((

spicyicy: What Is Pastafest

pidgepotpie: is it just a pasta party

leggy: basically

leggy: shays family organizes a pasta themed party, they hire actors and organize a relay and all sorts of stuff

monsterfoodtruck: it's a balmera family tradition

hlep: that's an honorable tradition

knifegay: oh

knifegay: why pasta?

monsterfoodtruck: who knows lmao

leggy: let them live keith

pidgepotpie: awww i wanted to see shay :(

leggy: she says she'd love it if you kept her updated on the party throughout the night - lura

hlep: tell her we'd be happy to!

leggy: she said thank you - lura

leggy: now she's just being sappy w allura

leggy: she's gonna text hunk now awww

monsterfoodtruck: !!!

pidgepotpie: s a l a d

~

**Shay B - > Hunk G**

SB: hunk!!!

HG: shay!!!

SB: im sure you heard by now, but im so sorry i cannot be at your party :(

HG: it's not a problem, you can't miss Pastafest!

SB: thank you for understanding, sunshine

HG: of course!

HG: we're still meeting allura for lunch tomorrow, yeah?

SB: we are! i can't wait, honestly

HG: same

SB: by the way hunk?

SB: you, me, and lura.. are we dating? :0

SB: at the moment, i really cannot tell

HG: neither can i tbh. im sorry if that wasn't what you wanted to hear..

SB: i just wanted an honest answer! you're fine

SB: ...in more ways than one :)

HG: jdhigsdljf

HG: you talk to Lance too much :/

SB: ahaha, love you too

SB: anyway, i do have to get ready to head out!

HG: okay, don't let me keep you!!

SB: let's discuss the dating thing tomorrow?

HG: sounds good, bye!

SB: <3

SB: <3

~

leggy: are we just going to do that now - lura

leggy: is salad the new wh - lura

knifegay: nothing can replace wh

leggy: wh is so iconic

knifegay: lancey gets it

leggy: yep that's me lancey lance

hlep: what happens when the salad meme dies?

pidgepotpie: We Die With It

monsterfoodtruck: im tempted to make salad

monsterfoodtruck: keith, if you're not busy can you get stuff for salad?

knifegay: im actually very busy so

monsterfoodtruck: keith, you're laying on my couch waiting for lancey to come home you are not busy

leggy: awww keith

spicyicy: salad

hlep: salad

pidgepotpie: salad

leggy: no stfu

Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!

knifegay: haaa

leggy: this is biphobic :/

leggy: that's the sound of lancey talking about his ~feelings~ - lura

knifegay: WH

leggy: DROP IT

knifegay: ???

knifegay: lancey wh

hlep: hey it's getting close to 6, should we head out?

spicyicy: yeah, lance and allura get over here

leggy: we're on our way - lura

~

**Allura A - > Takashi S**

AA: are you just purposely making things hard for keith and lance

TS: things will go better if they talk in person

AA: makes sense

~

leggy: shiro and matt came home w us

monsterfoodtruck: will they be helping me

hlep: of course

spicyicy: idk maybe

monsterfoodtruck: shiro can come in, matt can sit outside

spicyicy: WH

spicyicy: fine i can help

monsterfoodtruck: thank you :)

pidgepotpie: since everyone seems to be there im just gonna come over

pidgepotpie: maybe get keith off his lazy ass

knifegay: im sleeping i can't hear you

leggy: keith get up or i'll sit on you

knifegay: fuck fine

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

knifegay: homophobia

~

**Lance M - > Shay B**

LM: so pidge and i have been put on "keep Shay updated" duty

LM: im absolutely thrilled <33

SB: awwwwe

LM: anyway, everyone ended up coming early

LM: wait no plax isn't here :0

SB: oh boy, that's going to be a situation

LM: yeah ikr. anyway we're all setting things up except for pidgey and lura

LM: matt thinks physical affection can substitute for actually helping

LM sent "photo.png"

SB: he's like a scrawny koala man :O

LM: hksdhjscdkhjeffjkh

SB: please let him know that his contact name has been changed to exactly that

LM: i will omg

LM: anyway, hunk says hello! he hopes pastafest is fun

SB: tell him i said hello and thank you!

LM: <333

SB: <333333333

SB: i beat you :p

LM: unbelievable,,,

~

**Keith K - > Takashi s**

KK: hey shiro?

KK: since im already kinda high im just gonna go ahead n ask it

KK: when did hunk n allura start typing in all lowercase like the rest of us

KK: did it like,,,, happen naturally

KK: uhhhhhhhhhhh

KK: oh my god i used to use like,, capitalisaititom

KK: fuck spelling

KK: shiro

KK: shiro where are you

KK: shiro

KK: shiro my 25 year old favorite brother

KK: why are you 25 you're technically only 18

KK: why do i tell everyone you're 25 why do i do that

KK: you've been 25 for three years someone is gonna figure it out

KK: wait shiro where are you

TS: keith look up from your phone

KK: oh fuck there you are

KK: hi

TS: why aren't you with hunk?

TS: also, it's only 7:30, kind of early to smoke

KK: which is why im not smoking lmao

KK: hunk made Good Brownies but he's too busy picking out a movie :/

KK: why aren't YOU with matt

TS: i am, look

KK: whoa shit you are

KK: where's lanceeeee

TS: he is lying on the floor in front of you

KK: !!!!

KK: he's here shiro oh my god

KK: hhhh

TS: okay, im going to enjoy the party so

KK: is that plaxum

KK: no wait

KK: yes it is it's like a girl shaped thing

KK: no wait it's a lump

KK: *lamp

KK: shiro did you go

KK: okay sure wow Greta

KK: *great

KK: fuck off Greta

~

**Pidge H - > Shay B**

PH: hello from the other half of the "keep shay updated" team

SB: hey pidgey!

SB: i'll admit we aren't as close as we should be, so im happy to hear from you :D

PH: omg you're sweet

SB: thank you!

PH: anyway, party updates. plaxum showed up right at 7 and was absolutely livid for like 3 seconds because she was the last one to arrive.

PH: but then Allura came up and now they're chatting and having fun.

SB: good to hear!

PH: and by having fun i mean aggressively comparing their favorite animals to the point where they may start physically fighting. allura fucking loves lions man.

PH: nvm hunk's dog ran over to them and they've both agreed that dogs are the best

SB: well, obviously

PH: you have good taste shay

PH: hunk made weed brownies for later but keith got to them and he's super high now. hunk doesn't know, i don't think

PH: hunk is looking for bad movies on Netflix, as per lura's request. he's considering putting on sharknado

SB: i strongly believe that Sharknado is just a really good movie disguised as a really bad movie, watch that!

PH: what part of sharknado is good

SB: the experience of watching it

PH: fair enough. sharknado it is

SB: :D

PH: Lance and Matt are taking turns rocking out to songs that are Very Much Not Suitable For Rocking Out. well, lance was rocking out but now he's tired and lying on the floor in front of keith. matt is still going

PH: shiro is on song duty, he looks like he's having a good time

SB: is he impressed by matt's stamina?

PH: kfdcdfkihfdjh,

PH: a b s o l u t e l y

SB: ;)

PH: shay you're a treasure

~

**Takashi S - > Allura A**

TS: allura, remember how i said it'd be better for them to talk in person?

AA: this is plaxum and idk what's going on

TS: hey plaxum

TS: how do you have lura's phone passcode..?

AA: lots of things of value were lost in our discussion about animals

TS: cats are god tier

AA: no we decided on dogs

TS: acceptable

TS: anyway i texted lura because we need to get lance and keith to talk about their bullshit

AA: eugh, you think i don't know?? lance is absolutely smitten ffs

TS: so is keith

TS: what do you propose we do?

AA: hmmmmmmmm

AA: id say, make sure they're in close proximity all night and things will work themselves out. how does that sound?

TS: that sounds ideal!

AA: good, because it means we don't have to do shit

TS: :)

AA: :)

~

**Lance M - > Shay B**

LM: i have a new favorite movie

SB: sharknado?

LM: y e s

SB: :D

LM: it's so stupid i love it

LM: i want to hug the sharks

SB: im so proud of you

LM: also, not much happened other than Allura Ordering Pizza Like A God

SB: wait, didn't hunk make food?

LM: yeah lmao we ate it all

SB: it's only been three hours?! how :O

LM: apparently weed brownies make you really hungry, so keith and hunk devoured everything

SB: of course :")

LM: pidge is being smothered in affection by allura and plax. plax is also discussing conspiracy stuff with pidge and lura is pretending not to hear

SB: awww

**LM sent "photo.png"**

LM: that's matt and shiro. matt is trying to cuddle shiro, but he's really sweaty from dancing for like an hour so shiro is making an iconic face of Disgust and Love.

SB: omg

SB: shiro's FACE :0000

LM: :0000

SB: :000000000

SB: im the winner

LM: im crying thanks

SB: <33

LM: anyway, im trying to subtly get keith to notice me but i think he's ascended to the astral plane

SB: edibles will do that to you :)

LM: i just checked and he didn't even finish one brownie wh

LM: he took one bite and now he's gone

SB: at least he didn't eat too much!! make sure he doesn't hurt himself

LM: will do

LM: oh gOD i sat next to him and he just,,, grabbed me. i guess we're cuddling now

SB: congrats :D

SB: i'll leave you be, good night!

LM: night <3

~

**Hunk G - > Allura A**

HG: pidge got home safely!

AA: good to hear, are you headed back?

HG: yeah. i can't believe none of her family noticed i was high

AA: well, you're good at hiding it lmao

HG: awww ty

AA: also, hurry on back! your dog misses you and matt wants me to unpause the movie

HG: is unpause a word

AA: sure

AA: btw we wanna slow dance to the end credits of sharknado and see if keith thinks he's hallucinating it

HG: im at the door

~

**Keith K - > Lance M**

KK: lancey are they dancing for real or am i dreaming

LM: it's real

LM: it's glorious isn't it?

KK: do you want to dance?

LM: with you? absolutely

~

**Pidge H - > Shay B**

PH: time for your last party update of the night

SB: !!

SB: did everyone have fun?

PH: i believe so, yeah

PH: so we ate a bunch of pizza and i think plaxum somehow snuck in an ice cream cake unnoticed?? anyway there was an ice cream cake that only plaxum knew about.

SB: bless her, an ice cream god

PH: indeed

PH: after that it was basically midnight, so hunk walked me home. he was really high, so i sprayed myself with febreze before going so i wouldn't smell like weed.

SB: good thinking! and i trust you made it home safe? :0

PH: i did! matt sent me some videos of what happened after i left

**PH sent "dancing.mov"**

**PH sent "klancedance.mov"**

**PH sent "heyshiroheyshiroheyshiro.mov"**

SB: are they,, slow dancing to the end credits of sharknado..?

PH: uh huh

SB: im keeping these forever!! comedy gold ;D

PH: i think the last one with matt bothering shiro is my favorite

SB: Let Shiro Rest

PH: He Cannot

SB: aww, poor guy

SB: it's gotten pretty late for me, im going to bed! good night pidgey <333

PH: gn shay :)

~

**Allura A - > Hunk G**

AA: thank you for the party hunk, i had an amazing time and so did everyone else <333

HG: you're welcome lura :)

HG: im honestly thrilled to hear you had fun :D

HG: wait why are you awake

AA: uh

AA: why are you awake

HG: im really high

AA: right

AA: we should both probably sleep if we want to be on time to meet shay tomorrow

HG: we should

HG: but does that mean we will? ;)

AA: i like how you think ;)

HG: i have cheap beer, a fuckton of cookie dough, and a carton of mint gelato

AA: oh hell yes

HG: are you in your room?

AA: yes, but im walking to the kitchen

HG: fully clothed?

AA: ..

AA: it's too dark to wear pants

HG: lovely

AA: <3

HG: :/

HG: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoooo i love writing shay can you tell
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr @actual-yam


	6. Fake Friends Club™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> matt finalizes his plan concerning lotor, Shay has a good day

**It's been 24 hours. Welcome back flowerqueen!**

**flowerqueen has been added to the chat "salad".**

**spicyicy has renamed the chat "turn lotor's friends against him".**

spicyicy: thoughts?

monsterfoodtruck: good morning to you too matt

pidgepotpie: he has,,, friends?

knifegay: if they're anything like him can we use force?

monsterfoodtruck: normally id reprimand you but i kind of agree

spicyicy: okay okay

spicyicy: from a reliable source, i have been informed that lotor does actually have a group of friends

leggy: matt blackmailed keiths ex lmao

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

knifegay: rolo?

knifegay: how the hell??

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

spicyicy: i can't tell you for free

monsterfoodtruck: that's how you know he's related to pidge

flowerqueen: ^^^

flowerqueen: good idea matt, this is probably the best option we have

flowerqueen: but we absolutely HAVE to be subtle

leggy: of course of course

leggy: so who are these friends anyway

spicyicy: i don't actually know them but i got their names

spicyicy: rolo gave me the number of one of them but didn't tell me which one

knifegay: sounds like a Rolo Thing™

spicyicy: so it's ezor, acxa, zethrid, and nartie

leggy: wait hold up

leggy: ezor??? :O

monsterfoodtruck: oh i know zethrid!

knifegay: oh my god aksha actually changed it

pidgepotpie: why is nartie friends with a scumbag like lotor?

hlep: im more concerned as to why each of you knows one of lotor's friends

knifegay: im more concerned because aksha is not the kind of person who would want to be around lotor

monsterfoodtruck: same with zethrid

leggy: and ezor

pidgepotpie: nartie is an agent of chaos so im sure she has a good reason

flowerqueen: if these people are anything like lotor, i agree with shiro

flowerqueen: tell us how you met them.

leggy: oooh that is not a request is it

~

**Lance M - > Ezor C**

LM: HEY CANDY GUESS WHO FETISHIZES LESBIANS

EC: LOTOR

LM: YEA

LM: WAIT

LM: YOU KNOW???

EC: :3

~

**Hunk G - > Zethrid A**

HG: hey zethrid you wonderful friend and kind soul

ZA: hey dumbass what's poppin

HG: don't ever say that pls

ZA: what's

ZA: p o p p i n

HG: :/

ZA: do you hate me?

HG: nope

ZA: dammit <3

HG: <3

HG: anyway i have something to ask you and admittedly, i now realize this is probably the worst way to go about this but uh

HG: im bad at subtle

ZA: okay? spit it out

HG: be honest. what do you actually think of lotor?

ZA: a pussy

HG: what

ZA: :3

~

**pidgepotpie has created the chat "code scales".**

**pidgepotpie has added cateye to the chat.**

cateye: katie

pidgepotpie: natalia

cateye: scales? hair or shark?

pidgepotpie: haircut

cateye: ahh

cateye: inquire

pidgepotpie: code scales, cream

cateye: cream? unestablished...

cateye: no, pause

cateye: i see now

pidgepotpie: do not pretend you can see

cateye: do not silence the knowledgeable

cateye: i was previously informed

pidgepotpie: EXCUSE ME

cateye: you're breaking character pidge

pidgepotpie: we haven't done this in years cut me some slack ffs

cateye: :3

~

flowerqueen: im waiting

knifegay: well, aksha is my cousin. although i guess she spells her name as "acxa" now..

knifegay: she's a lot like pidge, but with my personality. i don't trust her as much as i should.

flowerqueen: okay, so you aren't close to her?

knifegay: no, i am. i just constantly fear she'll ruin me

flowerqueen: ah

flowerqueen: lance. pidge. hunk.

leggy: I HAVENT BEEN SPEAKING TO HER

leggy: uh

flowerqueen: right.. good to hear

flowerqueen: well since lance already probably screwed up, it is imperative that pidge and hunk Do Not Speak To Zethrid And Nartie.

monsterfoodtruck: right right of course

pidgepotpie: i would never wh

flowerqueen: wonderful!

flowerqueen: now, how do you know them?

leggy: ezor and i met at a dance camp when we were 8. she kicked people who bullied her in the face and i thought it was incredible. and when the some kids were trying to make her kiss the only other guy in the camp, i kissed him for her. we did the valentines day candy black market the year they banned handing out candy. we kept talking after and we're buddies

pidgepotpie: i remember the candy thing!!

monsterfoodtruck: zethrid was in the short lived "cooking club" we had at school last year. we bonded over being the ones to get away with causing hundreds of dollars of property damage from cooking accidents.

knifegay: and you chide me for being destructive :/

monsterfoodtruck: i have done that like,, twice ever in my life

pidgepotpie: nartie was my first internet friend who i actually met up with irl. she likes lizards.

flowerqueen: that's it?

pidgepotpie: she isn't a complicated person

spicyicy: ok nice!

spicyicy: now, how do you propose we convince them to hate lotor

monsterfoodtruck: uh

monsterfoodtruck: HEY ALLURA ISNT IT ALMOST 1

monsterfoodtruck: WE SHOULD GET READY TO MEET SHAY RIGHT

flowerqueen: ive BEEN ready, are you not?

monsterfoodtruck: well

flowerqueen: are you still in bed?

monsterfoodtruck: im lying under yours actually. last night was weird..

flowerqueen: OH MY GOD GET OUT FROM THERE YOULL DIE

monsterfoodtruck: i

monsterfoodtruck: might kind of sort of possibly maybe be uhh

monsterfoodtruck: a bit stuck

flowerqueen: not even lancey causes this much trouble ffs

spicyicy: OKAY YOU GUYS DO THAT

spicyicy: PRIVATELY SO WE CAN DISCUSS THE PLAN

leggy: hunk you lucky bastard

pidgepotpie: i wish i had a date so i could leave this conversation

knifegay: why? we need to do this

spicyicy: for once, keith's right

knifegay: wow

spicyicy: pidge, you may be good for this. how do we tip them off that they have bad taste in friends

pidgepotpie: well uhm

pidgepotpie: nartie knows

spicyicy: what

leggy: well since pidge is being honest

leggy: ezor knows

knifegay: WHAT

leggy: and honestly?? i don't doubt that zethrid knows

pidgepotpie: ^^^ she's smart and doesn't take shit, from what i know

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

knifegay: you were literally just told not to do a thing and you did that exact thing

spicyicy: THANK YOU keith for being the only decent one here rn

leggy: but is it really that bad?

pidgepotpie: if 3 out of four know then all we do is ask acxa right?

leggy: yeah!! there's no way she doesn't hate lotor if all his other friends do

knifegay: look i really don't want to text acxa

spicyicy: is she really that bad?

knifegay: im not even sure

leggy: alright okay then what's another option??

pidgepotpie: you're not even gonna try and convince keith?

leggy: no wh

leggy: i care about his feelings and i don't want to make him uncomfortable sooo

knifegay: oh

knifegay: thank you lancey

leggy: :)

~

**Lance M - > Hunk G**

LM: HUNK WHY DID I SAY THAT

LM: HES GONNA FIGURE IT OUT OH GOD

LM: I WILL DIE

LM: IM GONNA HAVE TO BECOME AN ISOLATED SHEEP FARMER IN LIKE,, A COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE ISOLATEDLY FARM SHEEP

LM: OH WAIT YOURE ON YOUR DATE ARENT YOU

LM: whoops

LM: how's that going?

HG: very very well :)

LM: i don't know if im talking to hunk or shay rn

HG: yes

LM: awesome

LM: anyway im probably gonna go angst about keith some more

HG: you know

HG: you could just tell him you like him!!

HG: we both know he won't abandon your friendship (everyone will kick his ass if he does) and there's a good chance he feels the same :D

LM: oh hi shay

HG: :0

LM: :3

LM: ive mastered the art of guessing who's texting me through another person's phone

HG: aHA

LM: ??

HG: it's funny because you're wrong

LM: motherfucker

LM: hi lura :/

HG: :)

HG: and i really do think you should tell him lancey

LM: i want to, believe me

LM: i just

LM: i don't know

HG: don't rush yourself, tell him when you're ready

LM: if i do it once this lotor mess is over, will you back me up

HG: obviously

HG: k now i have to go, hunk is threatening to start flicking me if i don't get off his phone

LM: okay, byeeee

HG: <33

HG: OH FUCK HERE COMES HUNK

~

pidgepotpie: salad

spicyicy: well this time at least it's kind of cute?

pidgepotpie: i agree but also s a l a d

knifegay: uhhh

knifegay: i really don't know what to say..

knifegay: back to acxa?

spicyicy: sure thing

spicyicy: hey wait, maybe ask rolo??

pidgepotpie: that could actually work! you're on good terms with him right?

knifegay: i am

knifegay: but what would he know about lotor and acxa..?

knifegay: wait what am i saying

spicyicy: ???

knifegay: rolo probably knows more about them than all of us combined, knowing him

pidgepotpie: e x c e l l e n t

~

**Keith K - > Rolo Y**

KK: hey rolo does acxa secretly hate lotor??

RY: how do you not know that

KK: so.. that's a yes?

RY: well yeah, nobody likes that guy lmao

KK: kind of like you

RY: says the man who dated me for nearly a year

KK: sorry? i can't,, seem to remember?? are you sure??

RY: aha

RY: so how've you been man?

KK: been pretty good, you?

RY: that's a vague answer thanks

RY: and ive been pretty good

KK: "that's a vague answer thanks."

RY: funny as fuck aren't you? how's lancey

KK: you're his friend. why ask me?

RY: you know why

KK: ...i haven't told him

RY: yeah, i figured. but i know you will at some point

RY: tell me how that goes i guess

KK: will do

RY: you know, we haven't met up in a while, what say we catch up?

KK: id be down for that :) when?

RY: you'll see

KK: that's more worrying than it is exciting

RY: well school starts in like a week, doing something spontaneous is good for you

KK: ew school

KK: well i guess I'll see you when i see you

RY: yeah see you then

RY: say hi to lance for me?

KK: you can literally do it yourself

RY: damn okay

~

knifegay: acxa hates lotor

spicyicy: you say that with confidence, are you absolutely sure?

knifegay: he wouldn't lie to me about something that doesn't affect him

leggy: keith texted rolo?

pidgepotpie: yeah, why'd you disappear??

leggy: i was bothering hunk on his date

pidgepotpie: nice

pidgepotpie: well now that that's confirmed there's only one thing to do

spicyicy: im on it

knifegay: wh

**spicyicy has added cateye and ohnipssweetflips to the chat "turn lotor's friends against him".**

ohnipssweetflips: i don't know who any of you are but i am so down for this

cateye: same for me. hello pidge

pidgepotpie: hey nartie

leggy: CANDY IS THAT YOU

ohnipssweetflips: LANCEY AYYYY

leggy: NICE TAZ REFERENCE

ohnipssweetflips: YOUR USERNAME IS UNORIGINAL SO I CANT RLLY COMPLIMENT YOU

leggy: WOW OK

pidgepotpie: THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING

spicyicy: you're ezor, right?

ohnipssweetflips: yeah who are you guys?

cateye: nartie :)

ohnipssweetflips: bab!!

pidgepotpie: im pidge

ohnipssweetflips: are you the kid who bought out the candy from my black market sale so i wouldn't get found out?

pidgepotpie: that would be me

ohnipssweetflips: LOVE YOUUU

spicyicy: im Matt, pidges big brother

ohnipssweetflips: yo

leggy: you know me :3

ohnipssweetflips: :3

knifegay: ive kind of been quiet this whole time but hey. im Keith

cateye: nice to meet you

ohnipssweetflips: keith!!

ohnipssweetflips: keeeeeeeeeith guess what

knifegay: uh

knifegay: what

leggy: EZOR DO NOT

ohnipssweetflips: fine

knifegay: alright then

knifegay: i guess im just not gonna know okay

ohnipssweetflips: you'll see

knifegay: i hate that

cateye: there are three others on this chat, if im not mistaken?

pidgepotpie: yeah

pidgepotpie: monsterfoodtruck is hunk, flowerqueen is Allura, hlep is shiro

cateye: thank you

cateye: now i assume matt is leading this operation

leggy: ahaha sure

spicyicy: shut it lance. yes i am nartie.

cateye: may i invite acxa and zethrid to this chat?

spicyicy: go ahead!

**cateye is now an admin.**

**cateye has added acxa and hulksmash to the chat "turn lotor's friends against him".**

acxa: ...

hulksmash: i didn't make this account or choose this name

cateye: :3

hulksmash: i didn't even download this app what the FUCK

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

cateye has disabled parental controls

cateye: you're welcome zethrid

hulksmash: okay but whomst the fuck

leggy: scroll up

acxa: While I'm not opposed to this, why?

acxa: Did you assume that we four do not already have plans of our own?

knifegay: ew capitalization

leggy: right?? it's so weird to see that here good god

pidgepotpie: she kind of types like lotor does imo

acxa: Oh my GOD

acxa: bullying me right off the bat?

hulksmash: lmao poor acxa

hulksmash: anyway now that we're all here how do we destroy lotor's life?

spicyicy: well im glad you asked!

spicyicy: uh

ohnipssweetflips: you didn't think this far ahead did you

spicyicy: i was kind of relying on you guys being harder to convince to help us. and once we convinced you you'd just tell us what we could do

cateye: we could just let them in on what we are planning?

ohnipssweetflips: im not opposed to it

ohnipssweetflips: the more the merrier!!

hulksmash: if hunk helps it'll be god tier, so hell yeah man

leggy: wait, what are you guys doing that we can just immediately help with

ohnipssweetflips: oh, just little pranks and things!

cateye: over and over and over until he snaps

pidgepotpie: God Tier Indeed

spicyicy: that sounds ominous, but will it actually do anything?

leggy: oooooh elaborate

acxa: each of us have the password to one of lotor's active social media accounts. we use them regularly to fuck with him in ways he can't trace back to us.

ohnipssweetflips: it's not anything life-changing but it's funny and we have the power to do some damage when we want!

pidgepotpie: is

pidgepotpie: is that all

knifegay: pidge wh

leggy: i think pidge expected a carefully planned assassination

knifegay: but she's 14 years old

pidgepotpie: age is a social construct and all that matters is Raw Power™

cateye: that's my girl

spicyicy: okay a n y w a y

spicyicy: acxa do you think you four could share the passwords with us so we can collaborate?

acxa: of course, we can pair up since the four of us know four of you

hulksmash: and the remaining two can hunt him down and beat his ass on his birthday

ohnipssweetflips: awwww i thought that was my thing :((

cateye: or they could revive his wattpad

spicyicy: his WHAT

acxa: I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON

hlep: guys please no

pidgepotpie: he lives

hlep: yeah but im about to die of embarrassment!!

leggy: oh my god is that how you met lotor in the first place shiro

knifegay: kddhxksuicusfuih

cateye: yeah

pidgepotpie: bad bad memories of the past are resurfacing

leggy: sad baby shiro with his kool-aid dyed hair and braces making a friend on wattpad is so

leggy: im so

knifegay: lance are you okay

leggy: are you?

knifegay: no

hlep: you all had better plan a decent funeral for me

hlep: it's the least you can do

spicyicy: hunk and Allura missed so much..

~

**Shay B - > Allura A, Hunk G.**

SB: thank you both SO MUCH for having lunch with me today!!! i had a wonderful time and i love you both <3

AA: ahhhh same here! i didn't realize how much i had missed you shay <3

HG: i had a great time too!!

SB: i assume you got home safely?

AA: we did! lance started screeching the second we walked inside the house..

SB: tell him i said hi :D

HG: he collapsed

SB: :0

SB: im so thankful that our date today went well, but what I wouldn't give to be at your house with you right now :(

AA: shit FUCK you're adorable

HG: lura we need to kick lance out

AA: he can live with keith, they'll be happy

HG: hell yeah, we get to live in a nice house with SHAY

AA: lance is subpar

SB: i can't really tell if you two are joking..

AA: ..neither can we

SB: but im smiling so much right now!! my face is gonna crack :O

**AA sent "sunnyboy.png"**

AA: hunk is grinning too it's adorable

**HG sent "happyqpp.png"**

HG: so is lura!!!

SB: you are both so pure omggg

HG: um, look who's talking!!

AA: shay is perfect confirmed

SB: stop that!!! you're making me blush you assholes ://

HG: g o o d

AA: e x c e l l e n t

SB: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

SB: oh god, looks like i have to go D:

AA: that's okay, love you!

HG: love you bye <3

SB: <333333

~

ohnipssweetflips: soooooo im guessing we can just explain the rest of the plan and share the passwords by text?

leggy: sounds good to me

knifegay: ^^^

pidgepotpie: you know, i feel like a bit of an asshole for saying this but i was expecting a LOT more out of this whole lotor situation

pidgepotpie: i mean, im totally fine with this thing we're doing, but i thought it would all lead up to something big and important

spicyicy: tbh

spicyicy: when i proposed my idea i was hoping the same thing, but honestly it just doesn't seem worth it. nobody likes him, he hasn't been a part of our lives in so long, and we don't need to extra drama

acxa: that's true actually. us four befriended lotor initially with similar intentions, but over time the idea of fucking up his life to get some sort of satisfaction or revenge just,, lost its appeal

cateye: ^^^

leggy: shiro was the only one here with a brain lmaoo

hlep: <3

knifegay: do you just only participate when the conversation mentions you

hlep: basically yeah

hlep: but seriously, i think you guys made the right decision here :)

hulksmash: yeah okay, im all for this whole moving on and staying drama free thing

hulksmash: but also i REALLY fucking want to mess with lotor on his Twitter so is that a thing we're doing still?

spicyicy: bih of course

cateye: for entertainment not revenge

leggy: ^^^ intentions r important when you're being supremely petty

hulksmash: yeah whatever im changing his pfp to a picture of paula deen riding a stick of butter into an explosion

knifegay: nice

ohnipssweetflips: ew i put my phone down for two seconds and every has a "learning experience"

knifegay: big mood

knifegay: by the way, not to sound insensitive or anything but uh

knifegay: are you four going to leave this chat or is it a permanent thing??

acxa: no offense taken keith. we can leave right now

knifegay: only if you want to

acxa: oh trust me we do

knifegay: oH alright then :///

acxa: bye keith :) bye everyone else who isn't keith!

hulksmash: bye losers :3

spicyicy: goodbye you guys!

ohnipssweetflips: byeeeeee!!

leggy: bye!!

pidgepotpie: this was great, see you guys :)

cateye: bye!

**cateye has removed acxa, hulksmash, and ohnipssweetflips from the chat "turn lotor's friends against him".**

**cateye has left the chat "turn lotor's friends against him".**

monsterfoodtruck: aw, they left before i could say hi :(

flowerqueen: they're... nicer than i expected honestly

pidgepotpie: here come the presidents of the Shay Fanclub

spicyicy: you two won't BELIEVE what you just happened

monsterfoodtruck: well thanks to lura's weird fixation on never letting a single message she receives go unread, we know what just happened.

flowerqueen: oh sure, call me out why don't you

spicyicy: oh damn i forgot about that

leggy: okay okay moving in

leggy: how was the daaaaaaaate???

leggy: oh i just walked into the living room where hunk and allura are and they're exchanging a Look™??

knifegay: are we going to die or did they already kill someone

pidgepotpie: without me?!

flowerqueen: GUYS SHUT UP

monsterfoodtruck: GUESS

flowerqueen: WHO

monsterfoodtruck: HAS

flowerqueen: THE

monsterfoodtruck: BEST

flowerqueen: GIRLFRIEND

monsterfoodtruck: EVER???

flowerqueen: THATS RIGHT, ITS US

monsterfoodtruck: AND WE LOVE HER VERY MUCH

pidgepotpie: whoa that's like,,, the opposite of murder

pidgepotpie: anyway congrats guys!!! treat her right ;)

leggy: yUH THIS IS AWESOME OMG

leggy: IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU THREE AHHHHHHHH

knifegay: same! that's great to hear :D

spicyicy: OH SHIT CONGRATS

monsterfoodtruck: YOURE ALL SO SWEET UGH I LOVE MY FRIENDS

flowerqueen: ^^^^^ TY FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE!!

spicyicy: SHAYS A REAL CATCH

flowerqueen: UH BACK OFF BIH

hlep: CONGRATULATIONS!!!! <3

monsterfoodtruck: SHIRO IS TYPING IN ALL CAPS OMG

flowerqueen: THANK YOUUUUUU

hlep: hold up im typing up a Proud Dad™ speech

knifegay: when i finally get a bf i want a speech too

leggy: same!!

flowerqueen: :000

hlep: okay, so before i begin i just want both hunk and allura to know how proud i am of them. allura, you've been my best friend for so long that it feels like i knew you the second i was born. hunk, you're so unbelievably important to me even though ive known you for the shortest amount of time out of everyone here. you are both such intelligent, strong, and kind individuals who deserve the world, or at least someone who means the world to you. and now you have that in the form of shay. normally, i would talk to her and the both of you to make sure you're right for each other but honestly?? you three happen to be some of the best judges of character i know. i am absolutely certain in my claim when i say that you three are good for each other and will support one another. you make each other happy, and i wish you the best for your relationship!

flowerqueen: i

flowerqueen: oh my god.

flowerqueen: shiro i love you so much im emotional

monsterfoodtruck: i can freely admit that im bawling my eyes out

leggy: he is!!

leggy: allura is too but she's not gonna admit it

flowerqueen: LANCE stfu

monsterfoodtruck: ignore them lmao

monsterfoodtruck: thank you shirooooooo

spicyicy: you people are so sappy ffs

knifegay: is there a problem?

spicyicy: no no ive just been missing out

spicyicy: something about you all is really special

~

**Takashi S - > Matt H**

TS: baby

MH: hm?

TS: im gonna spare your dignity on the chat because i love you but that thing that you just said was corny as fuck

MH: gee thanks babe

TS: no really, nobody else is saying anything,, am i the only one who didn't find that touching or whatever??

TS: and i love you, i really do. but also "something about you all is really special" sounds like a quote you'd find in some subpar edit on tumblr, like the tag line for a Straight White coming-of-age movie, like the shitty ending sentence of a Fanfiction written by a lonely teenager

TS: what were you t h i n k i n g

MH: are you only like this with me?? because you don't bully anyone else ever

TS: it's my job as your boyfriend to point out all the irrelevant but dumb things you do <3

MH: you really know how to make a guy feel special

MH: anyway come back to my room i want to cuddle

TS: <3

MH: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh my god i am SO sorry this update took so long!! ive been super preoccupied as of late (first with school and second with Hurricane Harvey fucking up my neighborhood) but it's finally here :D  
> concrit and any other comments are appreciated!! and if you are affected by any of the huge storms hitting land, i wish you the best and hope you stay safe <3
> 
>  
> 
> come yell abt Voltron on my tumblr @actual-yam


	7. schoooooool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang prepares to go to hell

**pidgepotpie has renamed the chat "i hate school"**

pidgepotpie: discuss

monsterfoodtruck: this is like,, the exact same way you made the original chat omg

pidgepotpie: schoooooooool :((

hlep: oh man i remember high school. unpleasant

pidgepotpie: im gonna go die

knifegay: oh good morning everyone

leggy: IT IS NIGHT

monsterfoodtruck: nah, it's like 4 am already

spicyicy: shit yall i overslept

**Watch out! Using inappropriate language in a Volt! chat could be offensive or dangerous! Three strikes and you're out!**

**spicyicy has disabled parental controls.**

knifegay: fuck

knifegay: that felt refreshing :)

monsterfoodtruck: matt how are you able to do that

monsterfoodtruck: please teach me

spicyicy: no

monsterfoodtruck: motherfucker

leggy: shut the HELL up it is sleeping time!!!

knifegay: the first day of school is in like, three hours

knifegay: it's not THAT early lancey

leggy: ugh

leggy: why am i in love w you, you're ho r r ibl e

knifegay: hold on what

spicyicy: lance oh my god

leggy: what

leggy: oh

leggy: well this isn't how i wanted to do this

leggy: ...

leggy: this isn't how im gonna do this

leggy: im TIRED bye

knifegay: WH

leggy: my precious 2 hours of sleep are dwindling away gtg

knifegay: lance gET BACK HERE

knifegay: IF YOURE SAYING WHAT I THINK YOURE FU C K I N G SAYING

knifegay: he's gone isn't he

flowerqueen: oh WOW this chat is silent for a week and then i wake up to this

flowerqueen: and yeah he's asleep

monsterfoodtruck: should i wake him up

spicyicy: holy shit yes

spicyicy: this is like a fanfiction right before my eyes

monsterfoodtruck: ...I was joking

flowerqueen: hunk doesn't have a death wish lmao

hlep: a sleep deprived lance is scary as hell matt

spicyicy: good to know

pidgepotpie: whoa what did I miss

hlep: confession hour basically

knifegay: i was right holy shit

knifegay: oh my god

hlep: scroll up, it's not too much

pidgepotpie: HOT DIGGITY SHIT

spicyicy: RIGHT??

pidgepotpie: I DIDNT KNOW LANCE LIKED HIM BACK

monsterfoodtruck: WH

monsterfoodtruck: PIDGE IT WAS SO OBVIOUS

flowerqueen: H O N E S T L Y

flowerqueen: HE HAS A FOLDER IN HIS PHONE DEDICATED TO KEITH PICTURES HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW

knifegay: HE HAS A W H A T

flowerqueen: FUCKING SHIT

monsterfoodtruck: HEY ALLURA ISNT THERE A THING YOU NEED TO DO

flowerqueen: ??

monsterfoodtruck: YEAH THERE WAS DEFINITELY A THING YOU NEEDED TO DO SO YOU SHOULDNT BE ON THIS CHAT

knifegay: HUNK DONT HELP HER

flowerqueen: OH YEAH THERE WAS TOTALLY A THING THAT I DIDNT DO THAT IM GONNA DO NOW

flowerqueen: BYE

knifegay: FUCK

hlep: someone should've disabled the parental controls way before now

pidgepotpie: tbh!!

pidgepotpie: i don't even care about romance and yet

spicyicy: maybe now they'll get their shit together

knifegay: did Bully Keith Day™ ever end because this is bullying

monsterfoodtruck: Bully Keith Day™ is every day

flowerqueen: family bonding

knifegay: oh hello allura

knifegay: i guess you took care of your thing?

flowerqueen: whoops no i didn't bye

knifegay: Bully Allura Day™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one is short!! school is kicking my ass :(
> 
> @actual-yam.tumblr.com


	8. mcdonalds is ideal for weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith and lance try to work their shit out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK KIDDOS HEY

**Coran S - > Allura A**

CS: Allura! Hello and good morning to you!

AA: hello mr. smythe :)

CS: I've said this once and I'll say it again: call me CORAN!

AA: are you my friend or my director?

CS: Why not both?

CS: I trust you're at school, safe and paying attention?

AA: ...

AA: im doing the first thing

CS: Well.

CS: Good enough for me!!

AA: oh thank god

CS: Question if you aren't busy, what period do you have me?

AA: sadly enough, 7th

CS: At the very END of the day?!

CS: I'd like to have a word with the blasted idiot who arranged that

AA: jshfhdi it's alright! it gives me something to look forward to, at least :)

CS: I'm touched! :)

AA: you're welcome coran!

AA: hey, this is just out of the blue, but could you check your 7th period roster for a "Holt"?

CS: Anything for my favorite long-time student! Give me just a minute

AA: thank you!

CS: Well, it seems as though there's a freshman by the name of "Katie Holt" in your period. A friend of yours?

AA: yes, actually! i can't believe she managed to get herself into a senior production class

CS: Seems like a resourceful girl!

AA: how about Klunk?

CS: One minute, my girl...

CS: The gang is all here!

AA: HELLA

AA: uhh

AA: ignore that

CS: Can't wait to see you all this afternoon :)

AA: same to you!

AA: okay i actually have to go, so goodbye coran

CS: Farewell!

**~**

**pidgepotpie has renamed the chat "okay i don't hate school but i HATE a lot of things about public school education systems in g"**

monsterfoodtruck: she died

pidgepotpie: i didn't

spicyicy: God, i can still hear her voice sometimes...

pidgepotpie: im not DEAD i hit the character limit

monsterfoodtruck: i don't think i can go on without her..

spicyicy: oh hunk, i know how you feel. it's so tragic..

pidgepotpie: you know at this point i kinda wish i could've died

monsterfoodtruck: i can't do this on my own! hold me matt

spicyicy: with great pleasure

spicyicy: we grieve together...

hlep: hold the phone

hlep: hunk, are you stealing my boyfriend

monsterfoodtruck: uh

monsterfoodtruck: only a little bit..

hlep: how did this happen hunk

pidgepotpie: well i died and then they had to grieve together

hlep: you WHAT

hlep: i,, can't believe pidge is dead.

pidgepotpie: oh my god are you doing this too

monsterfoodtruck: i know, it hurts

hlep: it feels like a part of me is missing, she can't be gone

hlep: hunk, what do i do

monsterfoodtruck: we need to grieve, so we can move on..

hlep: i don't want to move on. i just want her back

hlep: hold me hunk

monsterfoodtruck: with great pleasure

spicyicy: UM

spicyicy: HOLD THE PHONE

hlep: oh, so you can do it but i can't?

spicyicy: i will fight you

hlep: we're on the same campus, go ahead

spicyicy: watch out bitch <3

hlep: fucking try me <3333

pidgepotpie: im in CLASS stop this

monsterfoodtruck: salad

pidgepotpie: salad

flowerqueen: salad

pidgepotpie: oh, hey allura

flowerqueen: siri why can't i skip senior year

spicyicy: just get through the fall semester lura

hlep: ^^^ it gets better

pidgepotpie: siri can i skip to senior year

spicyicy: pidgey no

leggy: well i mean she's definitely smart enough

leggy: pidge do you wanna trade

leggy: freshman year for junior year?

pidgepotpie: ew no

monsterfoodtruck: nobody wants to be a sophomore :(

knifegay: i want to go home

knifegay: the only reason i haven't is because rolo implied that he's gonna kidnap me at some point

leggy: WHAT

knifegay: not in like, a dangerous way. just in a rolo way

flowerqueen: should i be concerned?

monsterfoodtruck: probably not, it's rolo.

leggy: :///

pidgepotpie: what does that mean lancey

leggy: :///

monsterfoodtruck: lancey that's not getting you anywhere

flowerqueen: or anyone

hlep: lura that's murder

leggy: jdkfjfjdldjf

knifegay: oKAY EXPLAIN

pidgepotpie: YEAH LANCE EXPLAIN

monsterfoodtruck: ENLIGHTEN US LANCE

leggy: FUCKING FINE

leggy: BUT NOT RIGHT NOW

knifegay: NOW

leggy: NO

knifegay: LANC E JUST SAY IT

leggy: B I H YOU CANT CONVINCE ME YOU DONT KNOW ALREADY

knifegay: LANCE GODAMMIT

knifegay: IM TEXTING YOU

leggy: IN CLASS CANT TALK

knifegay: BULLSHIT

**~**

**Keith K - > Lance M**

KK: so

KK: e x p l a i n

LM: dude, i don't know why you're so persistent about this

LM: you're not stupid, figure it out

KK: you should at least TRY to explain yourself

LM: you should at least TRY to put two and two together

KK: lance honestly just tell me

LM: i don't NEED TO

KK: YES YOU DO

LM: SERIOUSLY KEITH

LM: DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU??

KK: Y E S

LM: gOD YOU CAN JUST FUCKING

LM: JUST

KK: oh my GOD

LM: IM NOT OBLIGATED TO CONFESS TO YOU JUST SO YOU CAN HOLD IT OVER MY FUCKING HEAD

LM: "OHH, LANCE OVERSHARES,,, OHH, LANCE FUCKED UP AND NOW KEITH GETS TO BE THE ONE WHO CALMS EVERYTHING DOWN AND LAUGHS ABOUT IT HAHA"

KK: WHAT THE FUCK

LM: DONT WHAT THE FUCK ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS

KK: I WILL WHAT THE FUCK YOU ALL I WANT

KK: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOLD IT OVER YOUR HEAD???

LM: WERE YOU PLANNING ON IGNORING IT??

KK: NO

KK: HOW DID YOU K N O W

LM: WHAT THE F U C K

KK: DONT WHAT THE FUCK ME LIKE A HYPOCRITE

LM: YOU LITERALLY JUST ADMITTED THAT YOUD LAUGH AT ME IF I CONFESSED TO YOU SO I WILL DO AS I F U C K I N G PLEASE

KK: BITCH NO THE FUCK

KK: I MEANT HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU WHAT THE SHIT

LM: YOU WERENT SUBTLE

LM: I TAPPED YOU ON THE SHOULDER ONCE AND YOUR FACE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED

KK: OH MY FICJHIHS

KK: HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIKED ME BACK

LM: I LIKED YOU FIRST ASSHAT

LM: SINCE YOUR BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR

KK: THATS LIKE TWO THIRDS OF OUR FRIENDSHIP OH GOOD GOD

KK: AND YOU KNEW WHEN I STARTED TO LIKE YOU BACK

KK: WHY DIDNT YOU S A Y ANYTHING

LM: BECAUSE I WANTED TO PLAN SOMETHING OUT SO I COULD IMPRESS YOU FOR ONCE

KK: FOR ONCE???

LM: YEAH WHAT A SHOCKER

KK: ARE YOU IMPLYING YOUVE NEVER IMPRESSED ME BEFORE

LM: Y E S

LM: LITERALLY ALL IM GOOD FOR IS BEING THE """SOCIAL GLUE""" OR WHATEVER ALLURA CALLS ME TO MY FRIENDS. NOTHING IN MY LIFE WAITS FOR ME OR PAYS ATTENTION TO ME UNLESS I FORCE IT TO. EVERYONE AROUND ME IS ALWAYS MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN ME AND BETTER THAN ME AND IM JUST AVERAGE. I DONT HAVE ANY SPECIFIC TALENTS THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS CANT DO BETTER. IM NOT SMART, IM ONLY SLIGHTLY ATTRACTIVE, AND I DONT HAVE ANY NOTABLE SKILLS.

LM: THE ONLY THING I CONSISTENTLY DO WELL IS MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES OR SOME FUCKSHIT LIKE THAT. IM A TALKER AND THATS IT. IF I CANT EVEN CONFESS TO THE GUY I LIKE WITHOUT FUCKING IT ALL UP THEN WHATS THE FUCKING POINT???

LM: lmao

LM: the only reason im worth ANYTHING is because you and everyone else keeps in touch with me. and like I said, it's because im a good People Person :)))

LM: and im not even that at this point. im humiliated and you're probably confused and definitely pissed off solely because of me and the fact that you kept pushing me to explain my shit.

KK: lance im so sorry

LM: you didn't actually do anything, dw

KK: no i didn't realize i swear, i shouldn't have yelled at you and im not mad

KK: i wouldn't have pestered you to tell me if i knew it was like this. im sorry

LM: ...

LM: can i ask why you were so adamant about knowing in the first place?

KK: it's ridiculous and kind of selfish honestly. can i just leave it at that?

LM: you're one of the most selfless and grounded people i know stfu

KK: i

KK: what?

LM: i mean it

KK: oh

KK: alright then. i just didn't want to jump to conclusions, in case i was wrong.

LM: keith wh

LM: even if i didn't like you, i would've been nice about it?? you know i don't hate you, right??

KK: not yet

KK: uH,,, ignore that i don't like that. it's just that every time i took a leap of faith or whatever with someone they've either come to hate me or extracted themselves from my life

KK: if that had happened with you i wouldn't know what do do with myself

LM: oh, keith

LM: god, i didn't know im sorry

KK: you really shouldn't be lancey

LM: me @ you

KK: no you

LM: godammit

KK: wow. we are idiots.

LM: we should probably talk about this

KK: yeah

KK: hey, what class are you in rn?

LM: study hall. i can leave on a bathroom pass

KK: oh hell yeah. meet me by the library!

LM: wait what class are you in?

KK: ap bio

LM: kEITH NO STAY IN CLASS

KK: NOPE

LM: HOW ARE YOU NOT FAILING

KK: WHO KNOWS

LM: KKDFJKDFVBJH I LOVE YOU IM COMING DOWN

**~**

pidgepotpie: they've been quiet for a while

flowerqueen: i hope they're okay..

monsterfoodtruck: ^^ maybe we shouldn't have egged them on? idk i feel bad

spicyicy: i think someone should talk to them

hlep: i can do it

spicyicy: baby, are you sure?

hlep: don't baby me, im fine

flowerqueen: go for it shiro, they're likely to listen to you

hlep: gotcha :)

**~**

**Lance M - > Keith K**

LM: hey, i love you

KK: great, why are you texting me when you are literally in my lap

LM: talking ruins the mood

LM: ;)))

KK: you're stupid, i love you too

**~**

**Rolo Y - > Keith K**

RY: hey is that you in the hallway

KK: no

RY: it is

KK: im busy

RY: with what?

RY: ohhh you're with lance

RY: having fun, i see

RY: wink wink nudge nudge

KK: :/

RY: so, i don't wanna bother you

KK: i sense a but

RY: but im going to bother you

RY: nyma, plax, and i are all ditching school going to mcdonalds for all 3 of the lunch periods

KK: it's 2nd period?

RY: not anymore. how long have you been out here?

KK: sHIT I DIDNT BRING MY STUFF WITH ME

RY: plax has psych right after you, she's got it

KK: oh good. tell her i said thanks

RY: tell her yourself, come eat with us.

KK: im bringing lance

RY: hella :)

KK: you like him more, don't you?

RY: can't deny it

KK: same

**~**

**Takashi S - > Lance M**

TS: hey, everything okay?

LM: I HAVE A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE

LM: YUHYUHYUHYUHYUHYUHYUHHHHHHHH

TS: so i take it things went well?

LM: eventually! god im so happy shiro

LM: i like him a lot this is great jdhdiddkskhc

TS: glad to hear it! im so happy for you guys :D

LM: awww im happy for me too :3

LM: anyway tell everyone that keith and i aren't gonna be at lunch ;)))

TS: Okay Whoa There

LM: we're going to mcdonalds

TS: oh

TS: damn, you guys are lame

LM: >:0

TS: :)

**~**

hlep: okay guys, they're both doing great and KLANCE IS CANON and also they're running off to elope at mcdonalds during lunch

knifegay: okay guys, sorry Lance and i have been silent but we're doing great and are running off to elope at mcdonalds during lunch

knifegay: wait holy shit

hlep: im so proud of my baby brother :')

knifegay: :)

knifegay: im the better sibling

leggy: i can vouch for that!!

pidgepotpie: idk,,, matt is a pretty great brother

spicyicy: WAIT REALLY

pidgepotpie: YES REALLY U EGG I LOVE YOU

spicyicy: I LOVE YOU TOO KATIE OMG

leggy: he called her katie :0

flowerqueen: katieeeeeee

flowerqueen: pidge chose the cutest name tbh

monsterfoodtruck: so nobody else cares that they're eloping at mcdonalds

spicyicy: nah

leggy: hey hunk you can come along if you wanna skip three periods

monsterfoodtruck: oh

monsterfoodtruck: yeah no, the first day of school is the only enjoyable one so im not gonna miss out lmao

knifegay: suit yourself

knifegay: hEY LANCE COME HERE

leggy: SHIT DONT LEAVE ME

knifegay: THE LETS GO

leggy: <333

knifegay: <33333 you are like a little baby

leggy: bully

hlep: they are,, exactly the same as before, but now with hearts

flowerqueen: did anyone expect them to be a really gross domestic couple tho

monsterfoodtruck: i kind of did honestly. not publicly, but when they're alone

pidgepotpie: sex

spicyicy: KATIE YOURE FOUR STFU

pidgepotpie: i take it back Keith is the best sibling

**~**

**Lance M - > Keith K**

LM: hey, i don't tell you this enough but you're hot

KK: i have six fries in my mouth and a happy meal box on my head

LM: like a model

KK: hey look up

LM: wh

LM: bETRAYAL

LM: THERES KETCHUP ON MY SHIRT YOU CUNT

KK: <3

LM: <33333333

**Author's Note:**

> well this was a short beginning chapter. i haven't fanfictioned in years blease be kind


End file.
